I couldn’t hear her screams. I could feel her pain. I ran inside the home and saw why she was silenced. This young girl approximately seven years of age had a teenage boy’s hand over her mouth. With his other hand he was pulling down her underwear. He had already taken off her shirt and pants. I could see despite their difference is size this child was fighting for her life yet was no match for his persistence. He slammed her head against the floor, not seeing me there and making an effort to keep her still to accomplish his task.
When her head hit the floor her pain ignited my rage. I ran over grabbing him by the back of shirt, throwing him off her. He looked up at me, sensing a familiarity and a bit of fear. He tried to get away and I kicked him in the ribs as I hard a possibly could. He screamed. I kicked him again. I would ensure he would never touch her or her siblings again. He wants to hurt a little girl? Fine. I grabbed the hair on his head and slammed his face into floor hearing a break in his nose. Not satisfied I punched him in the face as I hard as I could making sure every time he looked in mirror at his nose he would remember this moment.
Again he attempted to escape my rage. Throwing him against the wall I inflicted the blow I wanted, kicking him as hard as I could in his balls. His reaction giving me the satisfaction I wanted as he dropped to the floor in agony.
Turning around I could see she sat in the corner with her clothes in her arms, dazed and terrified. I picked her up in my arms. This is the protection she has needed and will always have.
Some might find the violence in this piece disturbing while others will applaud it. I have mentioned in a prior writing how expressing my anger has not been an easy task for me. Of course this is true for a child or adolescent during the trauma who is unable to process the emotions. Can you imagine at the age of 7 how I could have possibly stood up to the teenager attempting to rape me? And how to deal with the emotions surrounding the event. Anger is already not encouraged for women to express in our society let alone it being a challenge for me with my generally quiet temperament.
Over the last few years I have tapped into my anger, here and there. And recently I have noticed it is just under the surface ready to make yet another debut. I know this because I find myself generally irritated and moody and wanting to stand up for myself in certain situations and don’t and/or keeping my distance from people. Meanwhile I do my best not to judge this more isolated and introspective time. It is yet another phase of healing that will transition as the caterpillar becomes the butterfly.